Dear ABBY: My youngest child came out to us as transgender a few months ago. My husband and I, along with her sister, support and love her unconditionally.
She recently decided to share the news with her grandparents, sending a heartfelt email along with some resources specifically for grandparents. One grandpa has been completely supportive, immediately started using the right name and pronouns, started doing some research, and continues to treat her like the wonderful young woman that she is.
Other grandparents sent a message saying: “We love you because you’re family, but we don’t really support you.” Since then they have had no contact. My child is extremely disappointed and my heart breaks for him. She (and we) know she might lose friends and family over it, but I guess we always hoped that grandparents’ love was unconditional. What advice do you have for him and for us to continue to support him? – AT LEAST IN OREGON
UNCONDITIONALLY DEAR: Your daughter is lucky to have loving, supportive parents, siblings and A a grandfather who is willing (and able) to accept her as her true self. She should be prepared for the fact that not everyone will do this.
This other group of grandparents appears to be less open to learning and less flexible in what they are able to accept. Your daughter needs to continue on her own path and not let their judgments define her. If she can do that, she will be happier.
Dear ABBY: Last year, my husband and I moved to my hometown, which I left 40 years ago. We are happy with our choice to return. Our problem is my friend “Shirley”, whom I have known since school. Shirley has always been a high achiever, but lately she’s been taking credit for our positive life decisions.
At the dinner we threw to thank neighbors and childhood friends who supported us during our move, Shirley dominated the conversation about her role. When I reconnect with former classmates, if she’s around, she inserts herself and makes the conversation about it, or puts me down with passive-aggressive comments.
Shirley has had a hard life, so I’ve expressed what she needs for a win. But now she’s doing it with my husband, and it’s crossed the line. She didn’t when we lived overseas. What can I do to get our friendship back on a more equal footing? – REACHING THE BORDER IN OHIO
DEAR ARRISE: Please re-read your letter. The person you described is not a “friend” – she is an insecure, jealous individual who you happen to have known for a long time. It should be the center of attention regardless of how it makes you look. So DON’T fool yourself into thinking you can friend someone like that. The less you see of Shirley, the better off you and your husband will be.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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